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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Die, Recipe Saboteurs, Die!

Last night I made some of the best grilled anything I've ever made.

And, I'm going to share the recipe with you.

Why am I going to share the recipe, the full recipe, instead of giving you most of the recipe but leaving out a crucial ingredient or step? Let's just call it payback to all of those evil mothers and grandmothers and uncles or whomever in your family or tiny village in Italy who have given you a recipe to one of their signature dishes only to purposely leave out a step or an ingredient purely for their own greedy, maniacal, and selfish reasons.

Now, I'm not a chef or a grandmother and I'm not worried about competition or being replaced by a younger, bottle-blonde beauty, and if my recipe gives you as much enjoyment as it does me and you want to pass it around, or publish it in a book, or add it to your menu, or use it to get laid, then by all means, go crazy!

The recipe is for grilled Country-Style ribs. In the spirit of resistance to the oppression of the recipe hoarders and saboteurs, I shall proclaim this recipe be called...

Insert Your Name Here's Famous Country-Style Ribs

What you need:

About 7 or 8 Country-Style, bone-in, pork ribs. You can get these pretty cheap no matter where you go.

Country-Style ribs aren't like the ribs you normally associate with pork. These ribs are meaty and somewhat fatty. Try finding ones that have some marbling, but for the most part are lean.

Wash the ribs and then squeeze off the water. They don't have to be perfectly dry. Now, place them into a mixing container (a bowl, a tupperware container, a paint bucket, etc.).

For the marinade:

- ½ a cup of light soy sauce
- The juice of one juicy lime (about a tablespoon or two)
- ¼ to a ½ of a teaspoon of black sesame oil
- A two-inch, finger-sized (not the chili kind) piece of peeled ginger, diced finely
- 3 large cloves of garlic, minced

-½ a teaspoon of chipotle powder (or cayenne)

Whisk these things together and pour over the ribs.


- 1 handful of fresh mint, chopped

Add the mint to the ribs, and with your hands, mix thoroughly. Now, take a gallon-sized Ziploc bag and place the ribs in it. Pour any marinade left in the container into the bag. Squeeze all of the air out of the bag and seal. Lay the bag flat on a large plate and flatten out. Marinade in the fridge for one hour, flipping it over around the halfway point.

Next, grill the ribs.

Please use hardwood charcoal, if you can find it, in your grill. If not, and you have to use regular charcoal, please, oh please, do NOT use the self-lighting charcoal. Unless you love the smell of Napalm in the morning (and many of you do), do not ruin your food with these briquettes.

Of course, you know how to grill, so I won't go into too much detail. Of course, you know about the hot side and the cool side, right? You know, a couple of minutes on each side on the hot side and then transferring over to the cool side, right? Never cover the grill.

Also, you should always put on a couple of extra ribs for those neighbors who are drawn out of their apartments and over to your grill like children to the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

And pay attention to not overcook these bad mofos. Remember, you only need to get the temperature up to 135 degrees, and it will rise 10 degrees when it rests off the grill.

Follow these instructions and have a finger-lickin' good time this Monday, or Sunday, or whenever...OK!


PS Hey recipe saboteurs - It's been brought!


Anonymous Michelle said...

That sounds excellent. I fell in love with some pork ribs a while back in Orlando...mmmmm.

I really like your site. Very entertaining.

4:25 PM  
Blogger megwoo said...

This post is too funny. My Chinese grandma does that ALL THE TIME!!! It's gotten to be a running joke in the family. The ribs sound excellent!

P.S. Tag, you're it...

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Sweet Jebus, these were good. Thank you so much for sharing. I am totally putting this in my own recipe file, with "my name" inserted!

7:46 AM  

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