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Saturday, December 10, 2005

Brokeback Sandwich

Bruce and I just saw Brokeback Mountain today and I'm still tore up.

That movie left me with a sadness I haven't been able to shake since we left the theater at 2:30 today. It was, in a word, heartbreaking. In two words, extremely heartbreaking. Ok, it wasn't no Beaches or Steel Magnolias; there wasn't any uncontrolled bawling, though there was an awful lot of quiet sobbing. It wasn't even trying to push those buttons. It just was what it was, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes a movie with *Oscar* written all over it like a truck stop restroom stall.

Of course, it was also a marvel of cinematography, directing, musical score, and acting. This is one of the most powerful movies I've seen this year (the other being The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on DVD) and just so you know from a real live person...the hype is all real. I know this is San Francisco and all, but today's showing (it opened yesterday) on 5 different screens, starting at 12 noon going to 10:30, was sold out before we left the theater. The line waiting to get in stretched all the way from Embarcadero One to Embarcadero Two, and all I kept thinking about was how this movie was going to be to the Gay Rodeo Association what Sideways was to Central Coast wine snobs.

Go see it, or die tryin'. Lord knows I thought I'd have to claw my way over a dozen Castro queens just to get a seat in the theater, and I thanked myself at the time for being too lazy to cut my nails over the last week or so. Luckily, everyone who was dashing into the cinema was well behaved, even after I yelled "run!"

Maybe, as the SFist says, this will be the all-time most checked out movie from Netflix, if only to avoid the crowds.

So for dinner tonight, I thought I'd honor the star-crossed love of Ennis and Jack by having Elk sandwiches, only I ran out of Elk meat so we had to use beef.

Dang! Star-crossed again!

Well, this recipe is real easy; so easy you could teach it to a 19 year old drifter from North Carolina and have him maning your Ybor Pizza and Subs kitchen in only a couple a days.

Here's what you need:

Some lean meat, preferably elk or other wild game, but in a pinch, flank steak or any other lean RED meat will work.
Half a large yellow onion or 1 small one
A French roll
Thin slices of cheese (Provolone works well)

First, take some lean meat, like flank or London broil, and freeze it. Once frozen, use a serrated knife and slice it thinly.

Take your roll and toast it.

Cheers! Salut!

Now, sautee your onions in your cast-iron skillet above an open flame somewhere way out on the moutainside called "electric range in the skidrow section of the Cit-ay". If you cry a little when cutting the onions, try to act manly and say a flying dung beetle just stung you in the eye. Please, oh God, do not say you just saw a movie about two gay cowboys!

They should get soft and look like this:

Now, brown your meat over medium-high. Season with salt.

First the meat will release it's juices and then it'll get all dry and start to really brown. This is how Bruce likes his. (Me, on the other hand waits just until there is a really good pan gravy going on and then that's when I say "Whoa Nelly!".)

When the meat is ready, gather in a rectangular pile, like so:

Then top with the onions.

Then the cheese.

Cover. Take off heat if you must or lower the heat.

Now the cheese is all melty.

Using a long spatula, say about as long as that damn bathroom line was after the movie, gently and artistically slide it onto the toasted bun.

Next, you can decide if you want any additionals. Like, say, horseradish sauce. Usually, we like to take the dogs out and have 'em dig up the horseradish roots for us, which we then puree with our pocketknives, mixing in water and a few other things to make a creamy sauce. But in a pinch, we just use the Beaver stuff.

That's city-fied.

Bruce likes to add horseradish sauce to his (and so do I).

Afterwards, cut it in half, reflect on the time you had back in '63. Grunt. And proceed to chow.

Ah! My heart. 'Tis in flutters!

Aaaiii! But wait! Someone just took a sledgehammer to it!

Damn you Annie Proulx, Ang Lee, et al!!!



Blogger drbiggles said...

Dang. Funny you should mention Elk. After picking up some salami, beef hot links, pork roast and lamb chops at the berkeley farmer market, I headed out to a friends house. He'd just made fresh bratwurst and ended up giving me some Elk round steak and some ground stuff too. Said I couldn't have his bear sausage, rats. Never enough bear to go around.


10:43 AM  

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