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Saturday, April 15, 2006

Road Kill and Earthquakes

I think I ran over a cat once and I think the event has haunted me and my driving days since.

Then again, perhaps that bump I ran over wasn't a cat but a package of NASCAR's newly packaged meat by-products.

While my vegetarian/vegan friends are not amused my this latest development in sports entertainment (and here I'm thinking specifically of you, Larrybob), I think it is an excellent marketing device. Why I think so, I'm not sure. But it sounded good at the time to say this.

Besides, I know that when I think of a big hunk of crispy bacon or of plump, juicy hotdogs I think of a whole lot of tricked-out cars painted with advertisements speeding around in a circle for hours on end, perhaps culminating is some deadly crash that I might remember for 5 fleeting seconds.

The truth is, my whole mentioning of this topic is really just a selfish ploy to share with you my supposed new meaning for the term "NASCAR", which is:

Scavenged from

And that's when I crack myself up.

I know.

But thanks for bearing with me.

The big 100 year anniversary of the SF Earthquake is coming up and boy, am I excited!

There ain't nothing funner than elaborate cocktail parties, $500/person dinners, and staring at a bunch of photos of fallen buildings to commemorate the day the city realized unreinforced masonry, ie., bricks, were sucky building materials and that privatized Fire Stations run by insurance companies were pretty damn retarded.

But if you're like me, you just can't sleep in on the 100th anniversary of THE big one, which is why I've already called into work sick on Tuesday so that I can be up at the unholy hour of 4:30 that morning, which is when God DIDN'T spank the town for being overly frisky and WHY He spared Hotaling's Whiskey, ok? Hello, religio-freakazoids?

Other than that, I'm not going totally earthquake crazy, but I think I might have an Earthquake dinner Monday night, featuring Turkey Tetrazzini, Celery Victor, and perhaps some coffee with a little Looter blood spilled into it.

Since I live over here on Rincon Hill, I might set up camp on Tuesday or Wednesday (most likely, since that's when I get paid) in South Park where I will perhaps sponge-bathe and shave in public, like the Army soldiers stationed there after the earthquake did. If anyone from REI is reading, can I borrow a few supplies? I swear, I'm a member.

So what are you doing for the big one?



Blogger bobgirrl said...

Happy 100th! So how was the party? I'm guessing you haven't posted in a while because you've been busy sponge-bathing in public and soapy water is generally not considered good for computers.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Dive said...


Like most parties, I played the wallflower/propping up the wall, etc. Most folks who showed up came in regular street clothes and those who didn't rented Olde Timee clothes from somewhere.

I was there in my black slacks, black coat, white buttoned down shirt, and black felt hat on which drew a few looks cause most folks aren't use to seeing someone pretending to be early 20th century unless they live near a Hasidic or Amish community, and even then I feared for my safety, but not from the Gentiles.

I then slept in until 11 and gardened my container garden on my deck the rest of the day.

Earthquake reenactments really take a lot out of a person.


PS I'm totally earthquake unready, but I have the urge to make an effort now...when it fits my schedule.

10:00 PM  

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